Hover Family Update

I have debated with myself whether or not to keep blogging on "Ron Hover's Updates". Although the period of time between entries varied greatly, blogging has been part of my routine for several years. I have read all of your responses many times, and they have brought me a connection with you, comfort, and yes, even laughter. I also can see how many times my entries have been read although I do not see who the readers are. During Ron's final hospitalization at U of M and BG Manor, entries were read up to 600+ times. That was a huge support and comforting for me to know so many cared. I don't know if before Ron's death I really knew how special he was to others too.
So today I am writing to share some Hover news and to thank you again. I had been telling myself that I was grateful that many months have passed, so the holidays wouldn't be so difficult, but now I know that I couldn't convince myself. It is hard. Anticipating anniversaries of special days with special memories is just plain hard.
With that being said, I am making new happy memories, too. I traveled to Hawaii to see Andrew's family and attend his promotion ceremony. He is the third Lieutenant Colonel Hover in our family. It was so special to be there and spend time with him, Lisa, Abby, and Lily. The time change was a breeze going there, but I am struggling to get back to what was my normal body clock prior to the trip. Then facing the upcoming holiday season also became reality. I have been unpacking and organizing, but there is much left to do. I am feeling relief that I don't have two homes to manage any more. I'll let the following pictures sum it up for me. I still have much to be thankful for.
Happy Thanksgiving,
Jan

Sister Love Up North in Michigan

Anne Troxell Griffith and Jan Troxell Hover

Ron's Up North Itinerary

Last week my sister, Anne, and I traveled up to the Traverse City, Michigan, area; we followed the itinerary that Ron had made for our trips to visit the Leelanau Peninsula in the fall. Ron and I made our last trip there in 2015; last year he was on oxygen, and things were just too complicated for overnight trips, so we took day trips close to our Gilead Lake home.

We picnicked in Newaygo on our trip north and visited our favorite lighthouse at Point Betsie. We climbed to the top of the tower and saw the light that is functional and continues to keep mariners safe.

This is a buck that was in Sleeping Bear Dunes, and on our trip we also saw salmon swimming upstream, smelt at Fishtown, a soaring eagle near Traverse Bay, and a huge elk crossing the road. (at first we thought it was a moose!!)

I introduced Anne to rocking at Christmas Cove. She really enjoyed it, and I had looked for a long time before I finally found 4 Petoskey rocks, the Michigan state rock. It was a great trip; I very much enjoyed reminiscing about past fall color tours with Ron and making new memories with my sister.

Before closing, the buyers had asked if they could move things into the garage. That was not a problem for me, and I felt like we had genuinely connected. They have relatives on the lake and had been coming to Gilead for 20 years. On the day that they were moving things into the garage, I was out in the garage, too, and he said, "You are not going to believe what I have. I have Ron's Army footlocker that I bought at one of your garage sales. Would you like it back? This is the first time that I have used it since I bought it." Of course, I said yes. I know that I looked dumbfounded and felt emotional as I saw Ron's name. I am sure that my last garage sale was the 2nd summer that we lived there, 2009, because the next two summers Ron was hospitalized monthly for Chemotherapy, followed by platelet and blood transfusions in the other weeks. Then the following summers he was chronically ill.

September 26, 2017 was the 47th anniversary of our wedding day. In sickness and in health and forever. My spouses support group met that day, and about 14 of us went out for dinner. It was a good plan for a day that was difficult. My life has been blessed, and I am rich with memories of so many years together.

September 26, 1970 Mt.Zion Lutheran Church, LaGrange, Indiana

Changing Gears

September was an eventful month; now I am trying to relax more and allow myself to not feel like I have to immediately unpack everything. Easier said than done! I have been in high gear for quite a time. When I haven't read a book for a few weeks, I know I'm not relaxing much. I have planned 3 trips in the next two months. I will get to see Andrew's promotion to LTC in Hawaii, a trip to Virginia, and a fall colors trip to the Traverse City, Michigan area with my sister, Anne. We will follow Ron's itinerary.
The closing on our Gilead Lake home was nerve-wracking for a few days, but everything came together on Monday. And that stress was after all of the moving trips and auction were done! Relief is definitely my prevailing mood now, so I am hoping that will lead to being able to relax. My project now involves all of the changes that moving my residency from Michigan to Ohio create. My life will be much more simple with only one home.

Being so busy helps to delay letting things just sink in. I need to take time to do that.

Finishing Up at Gilead Lake

Today I will be taking the remainder of my possessions out of our Gilead Lake home. I have about a carload to move and things to take to Goodwill. Guessing that I will need to put a few boxes in my niece's garage until my next trip back to my sister's next week. My sister, brother, and spouses have been "hovering" as I've gone through this move and auction process. Anne lives only about 10 minutes away and Gary 30 minutes. The actual sorting had to be done by me..hundreds of decisions to make! But the loading of my car and the unloading of my car multiple times I've not done alone. Thank you Griffiths and Troxells. Cale's have helped multiple times on the Bowling Green destination of the move.
So the auction was a success! Spieth & Satow Auctioneer from Coldwater, Michigan was my representative, and they did an amazing job. Just having someone move everything out of the house was priceless! How they organized the auction and the auction itself (which I could not watch)was expertly achieved. I can't say enough about the work crew and auctioneers.
I love the new owners! That huge barn/garage was empty for about 6 hours. They came to the auction and bought Matt's IKEA bed set, the picnic tables, swings, etc. It made me cry happy tears to know that Matt's bed and desk were going back in the house! Also, the pontoon and trailer sold well...new in March 2016 and still on its first tank of gas. So I'm feeling many things, including relief and satisfaction with organizing the move and sale. I even had a sense of Ron telling me that he was proud of me.
The Army way required having quarters left very clean for the next occupants, so that is ingrained in me. Only I didn't want to do it myself (Ha!), so I hired someone to clean yesterday, and Stanley Steamer comes Saturday morning when the house is entirely empty.
I have many things to look forward to in this next phase of my life.
Love, Jan

There were many tables of belongings to auction also.

It's for real.

Tomorrow is the auction of belongings at Gilead Lake. Our home has sold, and the closing will be at the end of the month. I'm trying to hang out in the logical, practical part of my mind. No doubts there. I think that I will feel partially a sense of relief similar to the day that Ron passed away, but knowing that I will also grieve giving up our dream home on Gilead Lake. It will makes things so much simpler to have just the villa in Bowling Green to manage, and I love living there, too.
So today is my last day to live in this home. Preparing it to sell has been my project since mid-April. From listing day to closing day is 4 months, and I was able to enjoy the summer here, so I feel good about how this has played out. I won't have to be concerned with another winter here. This home always was about both of us, not me living here alone. I have wonderful memories to comfort me and know that I have been a lucky girl.

The Sunflower Message from Ron (See below.)

Forever 68

Yesterday was Ron's birthday or the "anniversary of his birth" as a dear friend said. I am in the process of choosing furniture from the villa to take to my auction at Gilead Lake on September 20, so I was emptying Ron's desk here in BG. I found the above writings in his desk. The sunflower card was ready to mail but never sent; I think that I found it on the perfect day. It was signed, "Love, Blue & Ron". So Ron continues to make me laugh, even on the day before his birthday which was a very weepy day for me. My door to door move from Gilead occurred on Saturday, so I had been very busy with getting ready for it, and then Saturday was a long, busy day with the actual move. Sunday arrived, and I had time to think about the many changes in my life, how much I miss Ron, and I was anticipating Monday, Labor Day, which was Ron's birthday. Weepy. As has happened before, the anticipation of a special day for us was much more emotional than the day itself. The blue card was the writing on a card that I had given Ron in 2010 when he was first diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. The card had a small heart-shaped metal medallion that was engraved "forever". He kept that heart on his roll top desk which was moved to BG Saturday; now I have the heart on my kitchen windowsill. I didn't know that he had kept the card and brought it to BG and put it in his desk here in 2014. Ron was a sentimental man and did many things to make me feel special. He sent cards from one home to the other, like the sunflower card, so I would have a note from him when we went back and forth. During the almost 2 years after we retired to Michigan and before he was sick, he planned surprise overnight trips for us to explore Michigan. I only knew the days and what I should pack.
The picture of Ron was taken in 2004 when he was 56 years old. I am remembering his healthy years and trying to put them ahead of the memories of the cruelty of leukemia and graft vs host disease after his transplant. Yet I am so thankful for those extra years we had in spite of the challenges. I miss you Ron.

Pictures From Way Back When

I especially liked the black and white picture taken during the fall of 1965 when Ron and I were first dating. One of the kids took the one where we are facing each other. We were on vacation in Yugoslavia from Heidelberg, Germany, where we were stationed 1985-1989. By then we had two teenagers and 10 year old twins! Niccole, Matthew, Andrew, and Cale. The later picture of us dancing was at Andrew's wedding in 2000. I couldn't help notice the similarity with the 1965 picture of us dancing.

Ron documented our lives with family picture albums, 8mm films, VHS cassettes, and written words. All of this is a treasure left behind for me. As I view all of these memories, he continues to make me laugh every day.

A Massive Project

I am making good progress on cleaning out the garage (especially) and organizing the household collection of necessities and memorable items at Gilead Lake. The pictures and VHS tapes are a huge project, but I have enjoyed reminiscing during this part of the process. I am grateful that Ron always wanted to bring "the good camera, Jan" wherever we went. It was embarrassing to me at times when he asked total strangers to take our picture, but those pictures are now treasures. It has been comforting to look back at healthy Ron and bring those memories to the front. We had a great life and over 46 years of marriage. The last 7 years are more in perspective now and not the overwhelming focus of our lives together since 1965.
I have a realtor listing of the lake property at 743 Gilead Shores Drive, Bronson, Michigan, and you can also find it on Zillow.com. I am truly going with the flow and will know that whatever, whenever, changes come that it will be the right time.

Rest in peace, Blue Hover 6-1-17

Blue was the best kitty, companion, and pal. He spent a great deal of time on Ron's lap every day {when Ron was healthy enough to be home} ---after we came home from Ann Arbor in May 2012. (We had lived there 9 1/2 months after Ron's transplant.) I know Blue missed Ron after he left our home and was hospitalized starting in mid-January this year. We were lucky to have had such a good buddy from 2000-2017. Old age caught up with Blue, and maybe his heart was a little broken.

Memorial Day 2017

at dawn, near a gravel road, in farming country close to Gilead Lake

Grateful for Family and Friends

I have been thankful to have the support and caring from family and friends. This goes way back to Ron's first diagnosis of leukemia to the present. That support continues to be meaningful as I transition to my new normal. I re-read and replay messages and encounters with many. Ron's Celebration of Life was fulfilling for me. His presence in the lives of many was honored.
He was the skilled communicator with many, in many ways during our marriage. My preference for communicating was writing, and I often procrastinated. I am just now starting my thank you notes. I couldn't find a thank you stationery note that I liked enough to use, so I have ended up making a stationery card on Shutterfly. As I move ahead and look back over the years in pictures, my memories and thoughts picture Ron before his transplant.
Matt, in his eulogy, summarized so well Ron's years battling AML leukemia and graft vs host disease after his bone marrow transplant. "My Dad showed as much intestinal fortitude as anyone during the past 7 years. He handled his illness with honor, dignity, and dogged determination. My Dad never surrendered."
(He literally told me that he wasn't ready to throw in the towel.)
"It was truly a remarkable display of personal courage and determination. "Well, Dad, you fought as hard as you could possibly fight and your mission is complete. You did it with honor. Rest in peace."

Ron's marker will eventually be at Hoopingarner South Gilead Cemetery where his parents are interred. The cemetery is located near Gilead Lake; it is a peaceful setting on a gravel road in farming country.

Ron Hover Living Legacy

Remembering Ron

"I'm okay."

I heard these two words from Ron many times, and it seems to be a good way to let you know how I am feeling. The past 3 weeks have been busy as I move ahead with planning Ron's Celebration of Life and taking care of legal changes. Our children have stepped in to support me and each other. I am still so grateful that all four children were able to spend time with their Dad his last month.

Matt stayed with me after Ron's death February 24. Besides emotional and logistic support, he generated a detailed checklist/narrative for me, initiated many phone calls, and prepared paperwork to be completed. Cale took personal days from school, helped me set up files to get organized, and he and Jessica went with me on several local errands. Niccole arrived for a week and helped me complete paperwork that had arrived by mail. We also traveled to Gilead Lake...long story but no power due to windstorm, so we stayed at my sister's, and my financial advisor met with me there. Andrew has been back home in Hawaii, and everyone will return to Bowling Green in April.
I have been overwhelmed and comforted by the kind words from many, and the kids have also received kind messages from many. So grateful.

We will celebrate Ron on April 8, 2017. The service which includes military honors will be at Deck-Hanneman at 11:00, lasting about 30 minutes. Afterwards we will have a social gathering with refreshments in the adjoining Deck-Hanneman Banquet Hall. Please feel free to come at anytime up to about 3:00. It will be a time to mingle and celebrate Ron.

I have felt your support.
I'm okay.
Love, Jan

Ron's Obituary and Celebration of Life

I couldn't figure out how to put a direct link for Ron's obituary on the blog, but if you google the following, you will be able to read it.

Deck-Hanneman Funeral Home obituaries

A celebration of Ron's life will start with a service at 11:00 on Saturday, April 8. We hope that many of our family's relatives and friends will be able to spend part or all of his celebration with us. Approximately 11:30-3:00 we look forward to a time to socialize and have refreshments. Both parts of the celebration will be held at Deck-Hanneman Funeral Home, Bowling Green, Ohio.
Thanks for your support, kind words, and prayers for our family.
Love, Jan

Ron is at peace. February 24, 2017

Ron passed away at about 6:30 this evening. Overall, it was a peaceful day. Cale and Jessica spent part of the day with us, coming and going before and after Anne and George came from Indiana. Matt arrived from VA about 5:30. I had told Ron that he was coming, and I think he held on to see Matt. We are so grateful that the suffering of this great warrior has ended.
We will celebrate his life in Bowling Green in April.
Love, Jan

Five and one-half years ago today

5.5 years ago today we waited anxiously for the word that Stefan's gift of stem cells for Ron's bone marrow transplant had arrived in Detroit from Sweden. Stefan was one of three, but the only one in the world, that was a match and available to make the donation. He had registered in Be The Match 25 years earlier when in college. His gift allowed us to make many more wonderful memories in spite of the medical complications Ron has endured. At the time of the transplant Ron had just entered his second remission from AML leukemia after nine months of his first remission. It was 7 years ago when Ron started to have sickness that was determined to be leukemia when a blood test was taken the last day of March 2010. He was very sick by then and arrived at U of M on April 1, 2010.

So now we are coming to the end of this journey. Ron is resting peacefully and after having morphine increased to every hour yesterday afternoon and evening and finally getting ahead of all discomfort, morphine every 2-3 hours is keeping him peaceful.
I am feeling so much gratitude for the many doctors, P.A.s, nurses, specialists, aides, family, and many friends who have supported us in such a variety of ways. We are at peace and have no regrets with our decisions.
Love and thanks to all of you,
Ron & Jan