This is pretty much a shrine.

This is "Ron's Tree" that I talked about in the previous post. As I reminisce during this holiday season, the tree is comforting and a reminder of all the years that we had together. I like to read the mail and the newspaper next to the tree; it is in a quiet place and is a good place to help me process my thoughts.
The picture of Ron and me was taken as we sat in the back of his pick-up. It was taken in October 2010 when he was in remission; a year later we were living in Ann Arbor due to the many complications from his bone marrow transplant.

Thanksgiving in Virginia

I took a road trip to Springfield and Fredericksburg, Virginia Monday to Monday with Thanksgiving in the middle. I had traveled there for Mother's Day 2017, but the last Thanksgiving with Niccole and Matt's families was 2015. Much has changed during that time; I have had many hard things to do. So many changes.
The trip to VA was good for me; it was a wonderful time with kids and grandkids that passed by quickly. Helping decorate Christmas trees at Matt's and Niccole's kindled my Christmas spirit. Carrying on traditions without Ron to share them with is a paradox of comfort and sadness. We had been together on Christmas for 52 years. I have been working on my Christmas cards, put up outside lights, set up the top 2/3 of our tree with white lights. Then being inspired by friends who have a special memory tree for their daughter Laurie, I have a new tree--Ron's Tree--that will be decorated with ornaments representing special memories. I bought a multi color prelit tree because although I preferred white lights, Ron preferred multi color lights. And as we used to always say to each other every year, "I think this is the best tree ever."

Hover Family Update

I have debated with myself whether or not to keep blogging on "Ron Hover's Updates". Although the period of time between entries varied greatly, blogging has been part of my routine for several years. I have read all of your responses many times, and they have brought me a connection with you, comfort, and yes, even laughter. I also can see how many times my entries have been read although I do not see who the readers are. During Ron's final hospitalization at U of M and BG Manor, entries were read up to 600+ times. That was a huge support and comforting for me to know so many cared. I don't know if before Ron's death I really knew how special he was to others too.
So today I am writing to share some Hover news and to thank you again. I had been telling myself that I was grateful that many months have passed, so the holidays wouldn't be so difficult, but now I know that I couldn't convince myself. It is hard. Anticipating anniversaries of special days with special memories is just plain hard.
With that being said, I am making new happy memories, too. I traveled to Hawaii to see Andrew's family and attend his promotion ceremony. He is the third Lieutenant Colonel Hover in our family. It was so special to be there and spend time with him, Lisa, Abby, and Lily. The time change was a breeze going there, but I am struggling to get back to what was my normal body clock prior to the trip. Then facing the upcoming holiday season also became reality. I have been unpacking and organizing, but there is much left to do. I am feeling relief that I don't have two homes to manage any more. I'll let the following pictures sum it up for me. I still have much to be thankful for.
Happy Thanksgiving,
Jan

Sister Love Up North in Michigan

Anne Troxell Griffith and Jan Troxell Hover

Ron's Up North Itinerary

Last week my sister, Anne, and I traveled up to the Traverse City, Michigan, area; we followed the itinerary that Ron had made for our trips to visit the Leelanau Peninsula in the fall. Ron and I made our last trip there in 2015; last year he was on oxygen, and things were just too complicated for overnight trips, so we took day trips close to our Gilead Lake home.

We picnicked in Newaygo on our trip north and visited our favorite lighthouse at Point Betsie. We climbed to the top of the tower and saw the light that is functional and continues to keep mariners safe.

This is a buck that was in Sleeping Bear Dunes, and on our trip we also saw salmon swimming upstream, smelt at Fishtown, a soaring eagle near Traverse Bay, and a huge elk crossing the road. (at first we thought it was a moose!!)

I introduced Anne to rocking at Christmas Cove. She really enjoyed it, and I had looked for a long time before I finally found 4 Petoskey rocks, the Michigan state rock. It was a great trip; I very much enjoyed reminiscing about past fall color tours with Ron and making new memories with my sister.

Before closing, the buyers had asked if they could move things into the garage. That was not a problem for me, and I felt like we had genuinely connected. They have relatives on the lake and had been coming to Gilead for 20 years. On the day that they were moving things into the garage, I was out in the garage, too, and he said, "You are not going to believe what I have. I have Ron's Army footlocker that I bought at one of your garage sales. Would you like it back? This is the first time that I have used it since I bought it." Of course, I said yes. I know that I looked dumbfounded and felt emotional as I saw Ron's name. I am sure that my last garage sale was the 2nd summer that we lived there, 2009, because the next two summers Ron was hospitalized monthly for Chemotherapy, followed by platelet and blood transfusions in the other weeks. Then the following summers he was chronically ill.

September 26, 2017 was the 47th anniversary of our wedding day. In sickness and in health and forever. My spouses support group met that day, and about 14 of us went out for dinner. It was a good plan for a day that was difficult. My life has been blessed, and I am rich with memories of so many years together.

September 26, 1970 Mt.Zion Lutheran Church, LaGrange, Indiana

Changing Gears

September was an eventful month; now I am trying to relax more and allow myself to not feel like I have to immediately unpack everything. Easier said than done! I have been in high gear for quite a time. When I haven't read a book for a few weeks, I know I'm not relaxing much. I have planned 3 trips in the next two months. I will get to see Andrew's promotion to LTC in Hawaii, a trip to Virginia, and a fall colors trip to the Traverse City, Michigan area with my sister, Anne. We will follow Ron's itinerary.
The closing on our Gilead Lake home was nerve-wracking for a few days, but everything came together on Monday. And that stress was after all of the moving trips and auction were done! Relief is definitely my prevailing mood now, so I am hoping that will lead to being able to relax. My project now involves all of the changes that moving my residency from Michigan to Ohio create. My life will be much more simple with only one home.

Being so busy helps to delay letting things just sink in. I need to take time to do that.

Finishing Up at Gilead Lake

Today I will be taking the remainder of my possessions out of our Gilead Lake home. I have about a carload to move and things to take to Goodwill. Guessing that I will need to put a few boxes in my niece's garage until my next trip back to my sister's next week. My sister, brother, and spouses have been "hovering" as I've gone through this move and auction process. Anne lives only about 10 minutes away and Gary 30 minutes. The actual sorting had to be done by me..hundreds of decisions to make! But the loading of my car and the unloading of my car multiple times I've not done alone. Thank you Griffiths and Troxells. Cale's have helped multiple times on the Bowling Green destination of the move.
So the auction was a success! Spieth & Satow Auctioneer from Coldwater, Michigan was my representative, and they did an amazing job. Just having someone move everything out of the house was priceless! How they organized the auction and the auction itself (which I could not watch)was expertly achieved. I can't say enough about the work crew and auctioneers.
I love the new owners! That huge barn/garage was empty for about 6 hours. They came to the auction and bought Matt's IKEA bed set, the picnic tables, swings, etc. It made me cry happy tears to know that Matt's bed and desk were going back in the house! Also, the pontoon and trailer sold well...new in March 2016 and still on its first tank of gas. So I'm feeling many things, including relief and satisfaction with organizing the move and sale. I even had a sense of Ron telling me that he was proud of me.
The Army way required having quarters left very clean for the next occupants, so that is ingrained in me. Only I didn't want to do it myself (Ha!), so I hired someone to clean yesterday, and Stanley Steamer comes Saturday morning when the house is entirely empty.
I have many things to look forward to in this next phase of my life.
Love, Jan

There were many tables of belongings to auction also.

It's for real.

Tomorrow is the auction of belongings at Gilead Lake. Our home has sold, and the closing will be at the end of the month. I'm trying to hang out in the logical, practical part of my mind. No doubts there. I think that I will feel partially a sense of relief similar to the day that Ron passed away, but knowing that I will also grieve giving up our dream home on Gilead Lake. It will makes things so much simpler to have just the villa in Bowling Green to manage, and I love living there, too.
So today is my last day to live in this home. Preparing it to sell has been my project since mid-April. From listing day to closing day is 4 months, and I was able to enjoy the summer here, so I feel good about how this has played out. I won't have to be concerned with another winter here. This home always was about both of us, not me living here alone. I have wonderful memories to comfort me and know that I have been a lucky girl.

The Sunflower Message from Ron (See below.)

Forever 68

Yesterday was Ron's birthday or the "anniversary of his birth" as a dear friend said. I am in the process of choosing furniture from the villa to take to my auction at Gilead Lake on September 20, so I was emptying Ron's desk here in BG. I found the above writings in his desk. The sunflower card was ready to mail but never sent; I think that I found it on the perfect day. It was signed, "Love, Blue & Ron". So Ron continues to make me laugh, even on the day before his birthday which was a very weepy day for me. My door to door move from Gilead occurred on Saturday, so I had been very busy with getting ready for it, and then Saturday was a long, busy day with the actual move. Sunday arrived, and I had time to think about the many changes in my life, how much I miss Ron, and I was anticipating Monday, Labor Day, which was Ron's birthday. Weepy. As has happened before, the anticipation of a special day for us was much more emotional than the day itself. The blue card was the writing on a card that I had given Ron in 2010 when he was first diagnosed with acute myeloid leukemia. The card had a small heart-shaped metal medallion that was engraved "forever". He kept that heart on his roll top desk which was moved to BG Saturday; now I have the heart on my kitchen windowsill. I didn't know that he had kept the card and brought it to BG and put it in his desk here in 2014. Ron was a sentimental man and did many things to make me feel special. He sent cards from one home to the other, like the sunflower card, so I would have a note from him when we went back and forth. During the almost 2 years after we retired to Michigan and before he was sick, he planned surprise overnight trips for us to explore Michigan. I only knew the days and what I should pack.
The picture of Ron was taken in 2004 when he was 56 years old. I am remembering his healthy years and trying to put them ahead of the memories of the cruelty of leukemia and graft vs host disease after his transplant. Yet I am so thankful for those extra years we had in spite of the challenges. I miss you Ron.

Pictures From Way Back When

I especially liked the black and white picture taken during the fall of 1965 when Ron and I were first dating. One of the kids took the one where we are facing each other. We were on vacation in Yugoslavia from Heidelberg, Germany, where we were stationed 1985-1989. By then we had two teenagers and 10 year old twins! Niccole, Matthew, Andrew, and Cale. The later picture of us dancing was at Andrew's wedding in 2000. I couldn't help notice the similarity with the 1965 picture of us dancing.

Ron documented our lives with family picture albums, 8mm films, VHS cassettes, and written words. All of this is a treasure left behind for me. As I view all of these memories, he continues to make me laugh every day.

A Massive Project

I am making good progress on cleaning out the garage (especially) and organizing the household collection of necessities and memorable items at Gilead Lake. The pictures and VHS tapes are a huge project, but I have enjoyed reminiscing during this part of the process. I am grateful that Ron always wanted to bring "the good camera, Jan" wherever we went. It was embarrassing to me at times when he asked total strangers to take our picture, but those pictures are now treasures. It has been comforting to look back at healthy Ron and bring those memories to the front. We had a great life and over 46 years of marriage. The last 7 years are more in perspective now and not the overwhelming focus of our lives together since 1965.
I have a realtor listing of the lake property at 743 Gilead Shores Drive, Bronson, Michigan, and you can also find it on Zillow.com. I am truly going with the flow and will know that whatever, whenever, changes come that it will be the right time.

Rest in peace, Blue Hover 6-1-17

Blue was the best kitty, companion, and pal. He spent a great deal of time on Ron's lap every day {when Ron was healthy enough to be home} ---after we came home from Ann Arbor in May 2012. (We had lived there 9 1/2 months after Ron's transplant.) I know Blue missed Ron after he left our home and was hospitalized starting in mid-January this year. We were lucky to have had such a good buddy from 2000-2017. Old age caught up with Blue, and maybe his heart was a little broken.

Memorial Day 2017

at dawn, near a gravel road, in farming country close to Gilead Lake

Grateful for Family and Friends

I have been thankful to have the support and caring from family and friends. This goes way back to Ron's first diagnosis of leukemia to the present. That support continues to be meaningful as I transition to my new normal. I re-read and replay messages and encounters with many. Ron's Celebration of Life was fulfilling for me. His presence in the lives of many was honored.
He was the skilled communicator with many, in many ways during our marriage. My preference for communicating was writing, and I often procrastinated. I am just now starting my thank you notes. I couldn't find a thank you stationery note that I liked enough to use, so I have ended up making a stationery card on Shutterfly. As I move ahead and look back over the years in pictures, my memories and thoughts picture Ron before his transplant.
Matt, in his eulogy, summarized so well Ron's years battling AML leukemia and graft vs host disease after his bone marrow transplant. "My Dad showed as much intestinal fortitude as anyone during the past 7 years. He handled his illness with honor, dignity, and dogged determination. My Dad never surrendered."
(He literally told me that he wasn't ready to throw in the towel.)
"It was truly a remarkable display of personal courage and determination. "Well, Dad, you fought as hard as you could possibly fight and your mission is complete. You did it with honor. Rest in peace."

Ron's marker will eventually be at Hoopingarner South Gilead Cemetery where his parents are interred. The cemetery is located near Gilead Lake; it is a peaceful setting on a gravel road in farming country.

Ron Hover Living Legacy

Remembering Ron

"I'm okay."

I heard these two words from Ron many times, and it seems to be a good way to let you know how I am feeling. The past 3 weeks have been busy as I move ahead with planning Ron's Celebration of Life and taking care of legal changes. Our children have stepped in to support me and each other. I am still so grateful that all four children were able to spend time with their Dad his last month.

Matt stayed with me after Ron's death February 24. Besides emotional and logistic support, he generated a detailed checklist/narrative for me, initiated many phone calls, and prepared paperwork to be completed. Cale took personal days from school, helped me set up files to get organized, and he and Jessica went with me on several local errands. Niccole arrived for a week and helped me complete paperwork that had arrived by mail. We also traveled to Gilead Lake...long story but no power due to windstorm, so we stayed at my sister's, and my financial advisor met with me there. Andrew has been back home in Hawaii, and everyone will return to Bowling Green in April.
I have been overwhelmed and comforted by the kind words from many, and the kids have also received kind messages from many. So grateful.

We will celebrate Ron on April 8, 2017. The service which includes military honors will be at Deck-Hanneman at 11:00, lasting about 30 minutes. Afterwards we will have a social gathering with refreshments in the adjoining Deck-Hanneman Banquet Hall. Please feel free to come at anytime up to about 3:00. It will be a time to mingle and celebrate Ron.

I have felt your support.
I'm okay.
Love, Jan

Ron's Obituary and Celebration of Life

I couldn't figure out how to put a direct link for Ron's obituary on the blog, but if you google the following, you will be able to read it.

Deck-Hanneman Funeral Home obituaries

A celebration of Ron's life will start with a service at 11:00 on Saturday, April 8. We hope that many of our family's relatives and friends will be able to spend part or all of his celebration with us. Approximately 11:30-3:00 we look forward to a time to socialize and have refreshments. Both parts of the celebration will be held at Deck-Hanneman Funeral Home, Bowling Green, Ohio.
Thanks for your support, kind words, and prayers for our family.
Love, Jan

Ron is at peace. February 24, 2017

Ron passed away at about 6:30 this evening. Overall, it was a peaceful day. Cale and Jessica spent part of the day with us, coming and going before and after Anne and George came from Indiana. Matt arrived from VA about 5:30. I had told Ron that he was coming, and I think he held on to see Matt. We are so grateful that the suffering of this great warrior has ended.
We will celebrate his life in Bowling Green in April.
Love, Jan

Five and one-half years ago today

5.5 years ago today we waited anxiously for the word that Stefan's gift of stem cells for Ron's bone marrow transplant had arrived in Detroit from Sweden. Stefan was one of three, but the only one in the world, that was a match and available to make the donation. He had registered in Be The Match 25 years earlier when in college. His gift allowed us to make many more wonderful memories in spite of the medical complications Ron has endured. At the time of the transplant Ron had just entered his second remission from AML leukemia after nine months of his first remission. It was 7 years ago when Ron started to have sickness that was determined to be leukemia when a blood test was taken the last day of March 2010. He was very sick by then and arrived at U of M on April 1, 2010.

So now we are coming to the end of this journey. Ron is resting peacefully and after having morphine increased to every hour yesterday afternoon and evening and finally getting ahead of all discomfort, morphine every 2-3 hours is keeping him peaceful.
I am feeling so much gratitude for the many doctors, P.A.s, nurses, specialists, aides, family, and many friends who have supported us in such a variety of ways. We are at peace and have no regrets with our decisions.
Love and thanks to all of you,
Ron & Jan

Update on Ron 2-23-17

Ron's condition changed drastically overnight. We watched basketball, and he kept score sheets last evening. At 4:30 AM, I woke up thinking that he was having a bad dream. He had respiratory distress and told me that he couldn't get enough air. I adjusted his oxygenator from 6 to 7 liters, but he did not get relief, so I went to get the nurse. He had 102.4 fever. He was given tylenol and anti anxiety meds, but eventually, he needed the oxygenator set on 10 liters where it has been for almost all day. Dr. Wojo has been in to see him 3 times, and his morphine has been adjusted to keep him comfortable. Comfort and dignity are the goals. His level of discomfort and distress varied over the morning, but he has been comfortable most of the time since noon.
His brother and wife, Rick and Tammy, came today, and Jessica has spent the day with me. Cale has the flu but came briefly. Their Pastor also spent time with us, and Jessica's mother has been here, too.

Daytona 500 at the Manor

By evening last night Ron told me that it would be too much to go home to the Villa for the Daytona 500. This morning one of the physical therapists saw me getting some ice for our cooler that we keep in the room. She asked to speak to me and seemed to be relieved that we had chosen not to undertake such an outing. I think our first outing will just be a ride in the car. The staff will help me transfer Ron wheelchair to car and back again when we return. We might even go to the Villa, park backwards in the garage, and put down the screen garage door. We can look out the screen, and I could bring Blue out to the car. We would use a couple oxygen tanks and not be gone long enough to require an electric oxygenator.
Ron is making progress every day in therapy but is far from being able to go home with only me to help him move. (He requires two strong aides to assist him in moves.) He is proud that he is still in the fight. Me, too. There is no crystal ball. Our plan has not changed; no new meds will be added, no more immunity infusions or IVs of any kind. I am at peace with our plan once again.

One month and counting...

I took Ron to the ER in Bowling Green on January 21 (ER to their ICU); 12 hours later he was admitted to U of M Hospitals-Mott Hospital. (Then to ICU in University Hospital and back to Mott) Seven days later he was admitted to BG Manor with hospice services. He was on hospice for 19 days, and now he is in the same facility with skilled nursing services and rehab. Today he was planning with Doctor Wojo how he could go to the Villa to watch the Daytona 500 on Sunday. Really!! I will need to find manpower to get him from the car, up two stairs, and to his chair. We have a wheelchair at home but will need oxygen tanks again. There is some planning to do if this is going to happen!! The electric oxygen machine that we had at home only went to 5 liters, and he is now on 6 liters. I can hardly believe that this is a consideration!
Ron is making progress in therapy; he needs two people to transfer him, and he has an air mattress here, so it is too early to think of him going home. (But I am very sure that he is thinking of it!) He is having therapy 5 days a week. Stay tuned!

Ron being Ron

Why should I have expected any less? Ron is a fighter and continues to feel better. They no longer use the lift to transfer him. Two aides help him to his feet, and he baby-steps it to the chair or wheelchair. He is eating well, and we went outside for awhile yesterday. Wonderful and hard to believe it's February. In the courtyard we discovered that the daffodils have started to grow!
Ron is sleeping about 9 hours at night and takes random naps. Physical therapy will resume tomorrow. "Never give up."

Discharged from hospice services

Ron has had another productive day. He had his first physical therapy work in his room. He is no longer receiving hospice services, so physical and occupational therapy are available. He is receiving skilled nursing care. What that means is that he's in the same room at BG Manor, Dr. Wojo continues to be his physician, he has the same nurses and aides (but the hospice nurse does not visit twice a week), he has the same equipment and supplies available, but hospice doesn't provide it.
Ron is now able to move himself in bed, sit up in bed, and swing his legs over the side. He needs two aides to help him stand before taking tiny steps to his chair or wheelchair. He was outside his room and in a wheelchair for the first time yesterday and enjoyed looking out the windows and seeing the birds in a lounge. He has the will to receive physical therapy, so he can regain strength. Both of us have enjoyed visits from friends and family. I continue to sleep here at night but have been leaving for a couple hours during each day. we are less than 5 minutes from our villa.
The kidney specialist at U of M had an ultrasound of Ron's kidneys done to see if an answer could be found for renal failure. They considered a one time dialysis. After the ultrasound he drew a sketch to show me where the injury was that prevented his kidneys from filtering toxins, and he told me that the good news was that his kidneys might repair themselves from this injury which might have been caused from low blood pressure or the fall. Evidently that repair, at least partially, has happened. However, I must remember that his lung damage and compromised immunity cannot be fixed, and they cause a strain on his heart. Perhaps he has more surprises in store for me! The decision to request discharge from hospice services was made to honor his wishes to "never give up" by adding therapy to his healthcare. Therapy is not provided for hospice patients.

Our first Valentine's Day 1966; ages 17 & 19

More surprises. Last night about 2AM, Ron calls out to me and asks if we have anything in the room to eat because he is hungry. Again he is sitting on the side of his bed, feet dangling. So he had Oreos and Pepsi in the middle of the night! He has had 3 meals and snacks today; he is hungry. He told his friend Jim this morning that he could sit up on the side of the bed but knew that he could not stand up. So glad that he realizes that! He has made a couple transfers to his bedside chair by stand and sidestep with help from 2 aides.
Dr. Wojo made rounds today, and I was ready to beg for some PT for Ron, but he could see the improvements first hand. Hopefully, things have shifted from just comfort care (Hospice) to palliative care which will be comfort care and PT. He will need to continue to show progress. An infection could be devastating, and he would probably go back on hospice services. Things are in motion to make that change, but it hasn't formally happened yet.
When Ron was up at U of M, he was so sick from renal failure that he was very confused at times, couldn't move himself in bed, and couldn't feed himself. He also had injuries from his fall and had had a mild heart attack. Ron has improved enough that he wants to continue the fight. "I'm not ready to throw in the towel"; "Well, I'm NOT just going to quit." "I want to work towards going home." He continues to be the bravest person that I have ever known.

Keeping Comfortable

I can almost forget that Ron would have pain if not taking oxycodone regularly. At 2AM on Friday, he called out to me to help him get into the bathroom. As I got out of my bed to remind him that he has a catheter, I found him sitting on the edge of the bed. I couldn't believe it; he has been in bed or transported with a lift for 3 weeks now.
He is getting great care here at BG Manor. If I would take him home with hospice services, I would have to hire help to use the lift and do a variety of other things, too. Today he is resolved about staying here. I have played this over and over in my mind--especially when he is having a good period of time. With no bloodwork or urinalysis now, I really don't know where he is medically. It seems strange as we have followed his bloodwork for almost 7 years. He typically does not run a fever, but his temp has been in the 99s a few times in the past 3 weeks. Although that doesn't sound like anything, his temp had been in the 97s for a very long time.

Not Easy

I guess I had thought that these days would play out like an even-keeled decline, but that has not been the reality. At times Ron is very alert, philosophical, and talkative with a strong voice. Then he might nap for a few hours and awaken with a weak, quiet voice. He has had periods of anger about not being able to go home. The oxy keeps him mostly comfortable. Because he doesn't understand his limitations or understand the care he requires, he doesn't understand why he can't go home or go other places. Today he slept until near noon, again not eating anything until late afternoon. His mood is unpredictable and can change quickly. Last night he asked me why I got to sleep in a bed while he had to sleep in a chair, so I'm not sure what he is thinking at times.
The timeline is very unpredictable, so we just do the best we can.

No More

The rain has changed to snowfall to a cold, windy, blue skies day. This seems more like Ohio February. Ron has his fuzzy blankets, and I am wrapped in a yellow prayer shawl that my niece Kara has passed on to me. The emphasis for Ron's care is comfort, and I have found comfort in Kara's shawl.
Ron continues to have chest pain periodically through the day. It is sharp pain in his lungs, and the oxycodone brings him relief. He can now have half doses between his scheduled doses if needed. Today was scheduled to be an "Ann Arbor Day"; it was time for his February immunity infusion. The renal failure and fall at home were the tipping point which has led to Hospice care. The stress on his heart from renal and respiratory distress led to some heart damage. There were just too many things going on this time. Even Ron said, it's different this time." Yesterday he told me that he felt like his whole body was disintegrating, and he ached all over. He also had a dream that he was walking device-free down a long alley. On the right was a bright yellow house that he had helped to paint. On the left was a huge medical complex. As he walked down the alley, doors opened from the hospital, and carousels came out that had medical care staff revolving on them. As each new carousel came out a door, he would say, "no more" and keep walking.

A visit by Blue

Ron has not felt as good today. He didn't eat any breakfast or lunch, and he had pain in his chest but consistently scores it 3 on a scale of 10. Dr. Wojo visited him twice. He had nitro to see if it might be related to his heart, but hot compresses on his chest helped the most. (And oxy) He has a slight fever. He didn't want to get out of the bed today, just feeling that the whole lift routine was too much. He cannot bear any weight on his feet, and his core is weak, so there is no other way to transfer him bed to chair. He did eat some dinner and is now watching basketball.
Some big news of the day is that I brought Blue, our cat, in to BG Manor see Ron. Ron has asked repeatedly to go home to see Blue or bring him in. Blue was a good boy, lying down by Ron and purring. He also liked looking out the window.
With hospice services, no bloodwork, monitors, or other tests are done. No IVs, no pokes for blood draws, but I suspect the chest pain has to do with his lungs. It seemed fitting to have rain all day.

Status Quo

We had a Super Bowl party in Ron's room at BG Manor. Anne, George, Ron, and I had planned to watch the game together for several weeks. With all of our big screen TVs, we ended up watching it on an old JVC, but you know what? It didn't matter.
Everything is about the same today, so I wanted to let you know that. I may blog again later.
Thanks for checking in.
Jan

An Eventful Day

Friday was a fully scheduled day through late afternoon. My day started early!! I am thankful for a smallish bladder because then I check Ron as he sleeps. Friday morning at 4:30 AM, I looked at him when I was up and noticed that his face looked mottled. I keep the blinds slightly open at night, so the street lighting can filter in. His hands were warm under his fuzzy blanket, but when I checked his oxygen level, it was only 62%. (oxygen flow is adjusted to keep it in the 90%s) My first thought was that I was looking at the finger monitor upside down; my second thought was that the finger monitor wasn't working right. I had a second finger monitor with me, so I got it out. Same thing. I checked the oxygen machine, and it was on 4 liters, not 6 which he requires now. The nurse was very close by, and quickly noticed that his oxygen tubing had kinked. The machine bumped back up to 6, and Ron was coherent and responding to questions. His oxygen level rose to near 90 over a couple minutes. I had had such a shot of adrenaline, that I was wide awake for the day. I had gone home to sleep the previous night, but at 10:00 that night, I curled up on my bed in Ron's room and fell asleep. I think that I was just meant to be there.
So on Friday we had several great visits: my sister, her husband George and nieces Kara and Jody. My brother's daughter, Casey, also drove over; all of them are from Indiana. Ron's brother Rick and wife Tammy also visited; Rick had Ron laughing as they reminisced. So good to hear that belly laugh. Two longtime friends from BG visited us early Friday.
Ron's medical visits were from the BG Manor nurses and aides who have been beyond wonderful, same to be said for his hospice nurse who came, and a physical therapist evaluated Ron for the possibility of, with help, stand and pivot directly into a chair by the bed, but his core and legs are just too weak. A lift is used to transfer him from bed to chair.
This morning I have written a basketball "viewing schedule" for Ron, and he as slept all morning. A very sleepy day usually follows an active day, but not to worry, there are basketball games until midnight. I am starting with Purdue and Maryland, and Anne and George will soon be arriving for the weekend. We have had Super Bowl plans for weeks.
Love to all,
Ron & Jan

Nearing the 7th year anniversary of Ron's journey

Ron continues to keeps me guessing. Each day seems to have its own bumps in the road, but there are many good moments, too. Ron was conversational between his naps and clear-headed compared to our days in the hospital. I think taking him off most of his many medications has been beneficial, and the flushing of his body with IV fluids ridded him at least temporarily of toxins. The IV antibiotics at U of M partially knocked back his infection. However, the underlying chronic problems are still there. He does have some confusion and does not understand his physical limitations. He asks to do things that he can't do and becomes irritated with my explanations. It's pretty mild irritation, mostly tone of voice. His discomfort is controlled with pain medication. Most of his discomfort occurs turning on his right side where the injuries were from his fall at home two weeks ago. Also, the "shingles-like" area across the small of his back is painful. It is healing though, and dressings were changed today.
I went to the villa to sleep last night. I don't think that we had been apart 7 hours since I had to have my knee scoped about 2 1/2 years ago. I am planning on doing the same tonight; Blue is happy to see me and curls up on my lap or next to me. Tomorrow we will have several visitors as well as the Hospice RN.
Thanks for keeping us in your prayers and positive thoughts. Include a prayer for a 15 year old young man who is a nephew of a "distant" Hover relative. He was diagnosed with AML leukemia, like Ron's, about 2 months ago. He has become very ill with infections and pneumonia after his 2nd round of chemo and is on a respirator in an ICU. His name is Paul.
Love, Jan

Chest and back discomfort

I woke this morning to Ron's juicy coughing; this is painful for him. Although we do not know the timeline, Ron's chronic lung infection and renal failure are on the threshold. He is not receiving antibiotics any more. Having passed through the futile medical and painful medical procedures to fight one more time, I am at peace with our decision of "no more". He is requiring more oxygen this morning. He had blisters form across the middle of his back last week which broke, leaving raw, painful skin. That bothers him more than his shoulder and rib injuries from his fall 2 weeks ago.
With all of that being said, he continues to enjoy reminiscing and visits he has had with friends and family. Cale, Ron, and I watched Wheel of Fortune last evening, and as Cale and I were looking at the bonus puzzle trying to figure out the final answer, Ron solved the puzzle!! He continues to keep me guessing! Ron talks about his plans to go up North and visit our favorite places in the Traverse City area and also a trip to Hawaii.
Love to all of you from both of us,
Jan

Friends are welcome to visit.

We will be at BG Manor indefinitely. There is no timeline in place. If you come to visit and the timing is not optimal, we can visit in the lounge directly across from Ron's room. I have a bed in Ron's room, and can sleep here overnight. At this time, that is what I choose to do. Also, I prefer to be here at mealtime to help him eat. He is resting much better with no monitoring done most of the night. No blood tests or IV meds being given. He is not taking antibiotics or antifungal meds any more.
As kind as everyone has been some things are humiliating and hard to explain to him, so he told me that he was miserable.
I visited my doctor today, and my blood pressure is well under control. My bloodwork and urinalysis in the U of M ER was normal. The stress had affected my BP. More tomorrow. i need to catch a good night's sleep. Thanks for following my blog and sending email messages. I hope to eventually respond to everyone.
Love, Jan

"It's different this time."

Ron had told his medical team at U of M that "it's different this time." Dr. Mag told him that he should be so proud of his amazing fight, but that there were so many things affected this time. Even after Ron's hospitalization in June, I had told the kids that I felt like there would just be one more time...that he wouldn't be able to come home next time. Now it is the next time. I feel at peace that we did everything we could. I so appreciated the time that Dr. Mag spent with us this past week. The discharge nurse, social worker, PA Brittany, the nurses, everyone was comforting to us. Emily, the night nurse, talked to Ron as he rested and had a calming presence.
Ron is resting comfortably. He is quieter today but visits with us and watches basketball. He has said that it hurts deep within his lungs when he coughs. He doesn't really understand his physical limitations, so it is difficult to explain why I can't just help him get into the bathroom with his walker. They use a lift to move him from bed to chair.
Yes, it's different this time. I know that I can no longer care for him at home.

Back in BG

So very hard to say our good-byes to our Bone Marrow Transplant Family today. We had a lot of hugs and of course, some tears along the way. We have been welcomed at Bowling Green Manor, and hospice has also admitted Ron. I feel like things have gone well. Dr. Wojo, a family friend and Andrew's father in law, is Ron's doctor. He knows our story.

Bowling Green Manor and Comfort Care

Ron is sleeping peacefully this morning. EKGs, heparin drip, frequent pokes to monitor heart enzyme levels, blood sugar pokes have been stopped, so he can sleep for a period of time. Tomorrow, Friday, January 27, he will be moved to a skilled nursing facility with hospice services in Bowling Green. Bowling Green Manor. His IV antibiotics will be done, and he will receive comfort care. Ron has told me that he feels better about yesterday's difficult conversations with Dr.Mag and will enjoy the time he has left. He does have some confusion but can carry on conversations and wants to watch college basketball.
If you would like to send him a note, our Gilead Shores Drive address in Michigan will be delayed, but currently:

1509 Cogans Lane
Bowling Green, OH 43402

I see many people have read the previous blog, and I feel protected by your positive thoughts and prayers for both of us and our family.
Love, Ron & Jan

A Brief Update

Ron has been hospitalized since Saturday morning. He is very sick and has spent part of his time in ICU. His kidneys are failing, and he has had a "small" heart attack. He had been slowly declining for a few weeks, and he also had a fall last Thursday. He did not hit his head, but the impact with the floor injured his clavicle, shoulder joint, and a rib. That has been painful. Because his kidneys could not metabolize narcotic pain medication, he had serious consequences that required Narcan to reverse. Niccole and Cale have been with me to help understand how to move forward. My sister and brotherinlaw are here in Ann Arbor and other family members are coming tomorrow. I am surrounded by family and our friends in the Bone Marrow Transplant Team. Ron's transplant doctor, Dr. Mag, is the doctor on service for the BMT inpatient hospital wing, so that is comforting to have him as Ron's hospital doctor.

Happy New Year!

I used to try to sum up a year in one word. That would be a challenge this year....or maybe that is the word: challenge. It is a challenge to accept the changes in our lives, especially since early June when it was necessary for Ron to start being on oxygen 24-7. His lung damage and ongoing control of the infection in his lungs has made the need for oxygen a permanent change. In spite of the complications that has caused, Ron remains amazingly positive as you can see by his New Year Day's note to me.

Ron has had another immunity infusion this week; it seems like they do help him fight off sickness. He has had 2 separate days the last 6 weeks when I thought an ER visit was on the threshold, but then both times he improved after a day when his oxygen requirement had bumped up significantly higher. He doesn't get a fever, so I don't have that as a determining factor; a fever would actually make the ER decision a lot easier! He doesn't complain, and of course, he doesn't want to go.
Overall, we were able to enjoy our usual holiday celebrations, and now we're settled in to the quiet weeks following what felt like a busy December for us. January holds a strange combination of letdown and relief.